What's next

I got the packet with my official acceptance letter in the mail on Saturday. I know it's real because most of the packet is about financial aid, filing for FAFSA, having proof that I've had all my vaccinations and don't have any communicable diseases. As it's memorial day weekend, I won't be able to send out my acceptance of the acceptance until Tuesday.

I had thought that once I got an acceptance letter, I wouldn't feel so stressed, but my anxiety level has just shot through the roof. now having to worry about moving to Ohio, not having much of a support system outside of school and being up to my ears in debt are the things I cannot get out of my mind. I assume at least part of that anxiety comes from The Headache and a nasty sinus infection. I feel absolutely miserable right about now. Maybe I've read too many blogs about how med school sucks, but I'm finding it difficult not to panic right now. Underlying it all is the fear that the admissions committee made a mistake and that I don't have what it takes. I'm telling myself that I asked for a challenge and a chance to prove to myself that I could do better, that for once good enough isn't good enough and that I will be doing something that pushes me to really do my best.I applied to medical school knowing I couldn't coast through like I did high school, and that like many of my courses in college, I will probably have to try my hardest just to me average in this environment. I can take this one thing at a time, and have help figuring stuff out, but right now, I'm terrified.

Hurts so good

I have to say today has definitely been a good day.

I went to what seems to be the millionth specialist - a physical therapist who specializes in headaches. For the first time, someone really made sense - put it all together like a puzzle and said this is what's wrong and this is how i intend to fix it. She used a dry needling technique I've never heard of before - she used acupuncture needles to get into the knots in my muscles - the trigger points, or gnomes,as I call them. That's right, for the first time someone really acknowledged the gnomes!. I could really feel the needles doing their work - the muscles sort of seized up around the needle and I could feel the pain travel up to my jaw and my head, and the headache slowly relaxed away. it's not gone entirely, and there's a point on my left shoulder that's still extremely sore, but for the first time in over a year the pain is a good pain - and I'm really hopeful that something will finally work.
And speaking of good pain...
After all that waiting I finally have an answer, and I find this one acceptance letter has really made up for all the NOs I've gotten. It is slowly sinking in what it all means. After all that work, frustration, and the horrible, horrible waiting, that pain is gone. it has been replaced by a whole list of new ones - moving to Ohio, finding an apartment and a roommate, living on my own, all the work, paying for tuition and living expenses and more. Yet all these things are about moving forward and all these worries are troubling, but feel so much better than the stationary constant pain of waiting and hoping.

Here's me on my interview day