DisOriented

Preparing for and taking Step1 was a surreal experience. 6 weeks was spent on my own schedule, and yet none of that time was my own. You know you're studying for step 1 when a day that you take a practice exam, do laundry and prepare food for the week is considered a relatively "unproductive" day. Most people will never really comprehend what it's like to have to study 8-12 hours per day. The misery is compounded by the fact that you need to do this EVERY day. Any breaks you take you feel guilty, and you think about what that time means in terms of points lost when you take the exam. What if you get a 187, and that one hour was all you needed for that one extra point in order to pass? Crazy thought, I know, but it goes through your mind each and every break.

I won't know my score for another few weeks, but I'm trying to not worry about something I no longer have any control over.
What I felt after the exam was by far the weirdest I've ever felt. Once I got into that pattern of studying all day every day, I suddenly had no idea what to do with myself and this new found concept of free time.

Today was the first day of orientation for my first ever clinical rotation. I'm starting with medicine, in hopes that still being fresh from Step 1 will be helpful, and that this will be a good base for the rest of the year. Last week was general orientation, which was mostly boring didactic sessions and introductions to databases and things that were almost immediately forgotten. Internal orientation this week looks like more of the same, except for friday where we're learning Advanced Cardiac Life Support, which may possibly be the only useful thing we do this week.